So, I’m having one of those days. It’s not like anything terrible has happened, but my self-esteem just isn’t quite where it should be, and I’m a tad irritable. (If yelling at your car door for opening too wide in the Lowe’s parking lot can count as “a tad.”) I would love to be one of those peaceful, Zen-like people who can recognize how small their own problems are, anticipate the light ahead and enjoy the journey, but well, let’s be honest here. It’s me.
Since I have this lovely forum known as my blog, I thought I’d run through the current causes of my I’m-never-leaving-the-house-again-or-changing-out-of-these-sweatpants-state*:
- That I’m not one of those peaceful, Zen-like people who can just go along for the ride. Those people seem extremely lovable, good at yoga and capable of sitting still for longer than five minutes because of what I’m sure are their valuable and renewing daily meditations. They have probably never played a game of Spider Solitaire for hours on end. I bet they even like how tea tastes.
- One day after buying what can only be described as a s&%$ ton of AA batteries because of a buy one, get one free sale, the only batteries I need are AAAs. (These AAAs are for my Slender Tone belt. Yes, I know it doesn’t work, but I wear it anyway and pretend that I’m doing something. I bought it on Ebay a few days after New Year’s because that’s my version of a “get in better shape” resolution.)
- None of my pants fit. (Please see note about Slender Tone belt in #2.)
- My bangs aren’t behaving properly. This, too, is my own fault for thinking I could trim them myself. In this instance, “behaving” = “not being long enough.” (If for any reason my stylist is reading this, I know. I know. Also, I would like to add “patience” to the list of qualities I wish I possessed in #1.)
- Netflix has yet to add season two of Portlandia to its line-up. I can only assume this is a) part of some sort of grand conspiracy on the part of Netflix to drive me insane or b) because season two isn’t available yet. Regardless of the reason, I feel like some Fred Armisen would lighten the mood right now.
- I ordered an item off of Ebay without reading the shipping cost, because you know, seeing as how the item is the size of my hand and in the continental United States, I thought shipping would be reasonable. I was wrong. It’s $40. $40! The seller claims that’s why the item was priced so low. (Diabolically brilliant?) I feel kind of cheated here, seeing as how the item itself cost $1.27 more than the shipping. However, since the shipping price was listed before the auction ended, we return to the fact that I can only blame myself for this one.
- Well, there isn’t really a number seven, so a normal person would end this list at six, but seeing as how I think lists should come in threes, fives, sevens or tens, I just don’t think I can do it. Neurotic much? Yes.
And there you have it. Thank you wonderful reader for putting up with my gripes. Please add your own to the comments. As I’m being petty, I feel I should invite others to join me. We can all start on that Zen thing on Monday.
* I mean, the sweatpants have pockets. Do I really need to say more?